One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
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Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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