I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
