She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
