I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
