Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
