Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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