i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
