i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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