When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
In America we eat man semen.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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