I skipped work to stalk him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
