mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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