i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I deserve to be covered in dicks
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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