She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
