the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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