Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
