8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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