I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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