I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
