I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
