Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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