those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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