Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
