Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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