So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
