You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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