some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
