Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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