They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
