I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
