If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
