My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
