I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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