put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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