the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
