i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
