Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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