I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Drake has all the answers
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
