is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
