There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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