i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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