Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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