arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
