Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have fence marks all over my body
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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