I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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