he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
