I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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