Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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