Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
