I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
