I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
