Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
