I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
