Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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