how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
