I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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