think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
