Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
