Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
