You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
