Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
