just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
