i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
