No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
