I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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