; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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