I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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