I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
