He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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