Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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